The time immediately following your divorce is likely to be challenging in its own right. In the 30 days following your divorce, you are likely to experience a wide range of powerful emotions: remorse, relief, anger, joy, frustration, hope, sadness, grief. And maybe even just feeling overwhelmed and “done with it all”. Given the emotional, financial, and personal toll a divorce can take, it is normal for many new divorcees to slip into overwhelm and paralysis in the immediate aftermath. While this is understandable, there are things you can and should do to set yourself on a solid foundation for the new life you’re building. To aid in this process, we have put together a “30 day reset” which may be helpful in creating a priority to-do list after a divorce. Checklists will be included for you as well.
Practice Self Care
Practicing self-care immediately following your divorce is among the most critical pieces of advice we can give. (Hopefully you’ve been doing that all along!) Because divorce represents the loss of something intended to be permanent, the next phase often comes with grief, even if you were the proponent of the divorce. You have lost a partner, and the future you envisioned will be very different now. Adjusting to your new normal will take time. Self-care can take a variety of forms, but certain things tend to be highly effective:
- getting counseling or therapy from a well-trained professional to help adjusting and processing emotions
- joining support groups and opportunities for group therapy with those who have been where you are and are thriving
- reconnecting with friends and family, and reestablishing social circles with those who are supportive and cheering you on
- pampering activities such as massages and spa treatments to help you physically reset and feel more like yourself
- catching up on medical check ups that you may have neglected while the divorce was pending
- restarting hobbies and activities you enjoy, such as gardening or going to the theater, anything that brings you peace or joy
The important thing is to take a breath and choose things that will give you pleasure, help you regain your sense of self, and support you as you begin your next chapter.
Update All Financial Accounts
In the immediate 30-day period post-divorce, another essential is to update all your financial accounts. Married couples often have joint or shared bank accounts, investment or brokerage accounts, joint credit cards, joint safety deposit boxes, and so forth.
Your final divorce Order should outline who “owns” each account, and should serve as your guide in handling these accounts. Your court Order may be needed by the financial institutions, and often you and your ex-spouse will need to both be present in order to make these changes. New accounts may need to be created if an account cannot be transferred. When new accounts aren’t needed, you will need to update passwords to the online accounts you are keeping as soon as possible.
If retirement funds are being transferred or paid out pursuant to a Qualified Domestic Relations Order, you’ll need to work through their system, which can take 30-60 days. Your attorney can advise you on the process, and a tax professional can advise you on the tax advantages and consequences of how you would like to handle those funds. In addition, married couples often identify each other as beneficiaries of retirement accounts, which should be updated.
Prepare for the Tax Changes
Married couples usually file their taxes together, using the “married couples filing jointly” status. Filing under this status often confers substantial tax savings. After the divorce, you should prepare for this shift in tax treatment and the probability of higher tax obligations. The IRS Publication 504, “Divorced or Separated Individuals,” is a helpful document which can aid this transition. You will need to adjust your withholdings to reflect your new tax status. If you plan on filing as head of household, verify your eligibility with the IRS as well as verify in your final divorce Order that you were designated as the person who can claim your children as dependents, as both parents cannot (that will trigger an audit). Consult a tax professional if needed.
Update Insurance Products and Estate Documents
Just like your financial accounts need to be updated, the same is true for all insurance products. If your spouse’s employer provided your health insurance, for example, you will need to find health insurance elsewhere through your employer, the Marketplace, or private insurance companies. Other insurance products, such as automobile, home, and flood insurance policies likewise need to be updated. If your spouse was listed as a beneficiary on a life insurance policy, or disability policy, this status also needs to be updated with new beneficiaries.
Your Will, Trust, Powers of Attorney, and HIPPA Authorizations should also be updated to remove your spouse and designate new beneficiaries and designees.
Settle All Property Transfer Issues
Property division is one of the primary components of the divorce process, and in the immediate post-divorce period you will need to take care of any property transfer issues. You may need to sign certain government documents to transfer title to vehicles, or transfer title to real estate, and so forth. Your attorney can help you with these documents.
You will also need to make arrangements to transfer, relinquish, or take possession of any other pieces of personal property awarded in the divorce as well, such as jewelry, art, etc.
Notify utility companies about any account transfers as well, as accounts need to be updated, and in some cases, new accounts must be created. Ensure that any utility account deposits are returned or transferred appropriately.
Name Change
If you changed your name in the divorce, you will need to notify several entities, such as the Social Security Administration (obtain a new card), the Department of Motor Vehicles (obtain a new driver’s license), and all financial institutions, credit card accounts, etc. We’ve developed a Name Change Checklist that you may find helpful.
What’s Next After You Legally Change Your Name?
Take Care of Child Related Issues
This is perhaps the most complex task in the immediate aftermath of divorce. There are practical matters to be addressed. You will need to notify your children’s school regarding the dissolution, as the school will need to update its records. You may need to change the emergency contact information used on file by the school, and furnish a copy of the final decree for the school’s records regarding custody and transfers of possession. You will also need to notify your children’s healthcare providers of any change in contact information and restrictions, if any, as to medical decision-making for the children.
If you’re going to be receiving child support from your ex-spouse, you will need to coordinate with the Texas OAG’s office to open an account and facilitate support acquisition. Often an Income Withholding Order will be signed by the judge; this can be provided to the employer of the parent paying child support and allows them to withhold child support payments from their paycheck.
Typically, one of the most challenging hurdles is helping your children transition to the new normal of two homes. Coordinating with your ex-spouse regarding shared custody in a civil, child-focused manner is crucial to helping the children know they are and will continue to be safe and loved. Coparenting can be an adjustment for everyone, but flexibility and compassion will go a long way to helping the process get off to a smoother start. We have several resources on our website regarding coparenting.
You are Building a New Life, One You Get to Design
To recap, here is what you may need to focus on in the 30 days following divorce:
- Take time for self-care
- Update all your financial accounts
- Prepare for tax changes
- Update all existing insurance products and estate documents
- Settle any and all property issues
- Take care of all child related issues
We developed a Post Divorce Checklist to help guide you that you may find helpful.
Focusing on the future rather than the past allows you to be intentional about how you move forward after divorce. While there are many practical things which need to be done as part of your “post-divorce reset”, we can’t stress enough the importance of engaging in proper self-care to heal from the negative emotional aspects of divorce and embrace a hopeful new beginning. Be sure to give yourself plenty of space to emotionally heal and transition to the new life you are building for yourself, one that holds on to hope and gives yourself permission to dream and reclaim joy.
For more information on any other aspect of the divorce process, whether preparing for it or resetting from it, reach out to us at Hargrave Family Law today. Learn about your options to start writing your next chapter with hope. We’re here to help.
