With Daylight Saving Time approaching, we’re all preparing to set our clocks back an hour and embrace the extra time. But what if that extra hour came with a “do-over” button? Wouldn’t it be nice to undo a stressful conversation, especially with a difficult ex or co-parent? As much as we’d love to hop into a DeLorean and correct our communication mistakes, there’s a real-life method that can prevent the need for do-overs altogether—BIFF.
Imagine: Clear Communication Without the Chaos
Just like Marty McFly and Doc Brown navigating time with precision in Back to the Future, you can handle high-stress interactions with the same ease using the BIFF method. The BIFF method was instituted by Bill Eddy, who is a lawyer and therapist and founder of the High Conflict Institute. Bill Eddy introduced this method as a tool for communicating with high conflict personalities. Whether you’re facing a heated divorce or a tough co-parenting situation, BIFF offers a clear roadmap for your conversations. BIFF stands for Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm—four principles that guide you to communicate without the drama or unnecessary back-and-forth.
BIFF: Your DeLorean for Dialogue
- Brief: Keep it short and to the point, like a quick trip to 1955 and back. When emotions run high, long-winded messages only add fuel to the fire. The key here is efficiency—say what needs to be said without adding extra details that can spiral into an argument.
- Informative: Provide just the facts, without opinions or unnecessary details. Much like a time machine that’s precise to the second, stick to the relevant information. Avoid speculation or personal attacks, and focus on what’s truly important.
- Friendly: Yes, you can still be kind, even when things are tense. A friendly tone disarms the other person and makes it harder for them to lash out. It also demonstrates that you’re in control of your emotions and the situation—no need to go back in time to fix something if you get it right the first time.
- Firm: Set boundaries and stand by them. Just as Doc warns Marty about the risks of altering timelines, it’s essential to remain firm in your decisions and boundaries. Once you’ve said your piece, resist the urge to engage in further debate or justification.
Why BIFF Works: No Need for a Time Machine
BIFF helps you step away from emotional chaos and approach communication in a way that’s clear, respectful, and effective. Imagine being able to handle difficult situations with the confidence of knowing that you’ve said everything you need to—no need for a second chance or to rehash old wounds. It’s like gaining that extra hour back, but for your peace of mind.
This Daylight Saving Time, as we “fall back,” why not also take a step forward in how you communicate with those who challenge you the most? With BIFF, you’ll find that your relationships can shift from stressful to manageable, all without the need for a flux capacitor.
More BIFF Resources
While you may not be in the market for a DeLorean, if you want to learn more about BIFF, we suggest you begin by checking out the library of books authored by Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, including:
BIFF for Co-parent Communication; Your Guide to Difficult Texts, Emails and Social Media Posts
BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Thier Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns
BIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace Communication
BIFF for Lawyers and Law Offices: Your Guide to Respectful Written Communication with Clients, Opposing Counsel and Others
