How To Divorce A High Conflict Person Without High Conflict

4.9

Our Google Reviews
Woman speaking into microphone in studio setting

Published on: April 22, 2024 | Jennifer Hargrave | Dallas Divorce Attorney | Collaborative, Family Law Podcast, PA-Collaborative Divorce, PA-Divorce, PA-PrenuptialAgreements

Jennifer Hargrave (JH): It is very difficult to be married to somebody who has a high conflict personality. As a divorce attorney, Abby Ewing knows how destructive high conflict personalities can be on family relationships. She is experienced in dealing with high conflict personalities in divorce. Abby is frequently recognized by her peers. She’s received awards such as Best Lawyers, Texas Super Lawyers, and D Magazine. And she’s here today to share with us her insight and wisdom. Welcome, Abby.

Youtube video

Abby Ewing (AE): Thank you for having me. I’m excited to be here.

JH: Thank you for agreeing to come and talk about high conflict personalities.

AE: Yeah. You’re welcome.

Definitions and Experiences

JH: What, when we talk about that term, what does that mean to you? What is a high conflict personality?

AE: So for me, in my experience, it can mean a whole host of things I think, but the traits that you commonly see as a family lawyer are people with cognitive distortion, right? So these are people who they feel victimized, they have intense emotions, they sometimes have an aggressive energy and they also lack insight into their own behavior. And that one can be really difficult in the context of divorce or other family law.

Gender Perspectives in High Conflict Personalities

JH: In your experience, do you see more men or women with high conflict personalities?

AE: I think I see both. I think there are certain traits maybe that I’ll see more in men than in my female clients who might be a high conflict personality, but it definitely is not gender-specific.

JH: I agree with you. I think, I think it comes, it is gender-neutral. I mean, yes. You definitely see certain high conflict personalities in women. And then we see high conflict personalities in men and sometimes they partner together and that can be especially challenging.

Planning and Strategy for Divorcing a High Conflict Spouse

AE: Anytime you’re going to embark on a divorce, you need to have a plan. But I think for these people who are married to high conflict personalities, they have to have maybe two plans like a plan A and a plan B, and they need to make sure they’re getting information before they even utter a word about the divorce. Because I think with what happens with a lot of high conflict personalities is when they are told or they receive the papers and they understand the divorce is going to go forward, they might hide information, move money from one account to the other. So they really need to make sure they’re getting all of that information beforehand.

Tactical Approaches in Divorce Filings

AE: We’re not making any claims that are going to set that person off. You can always amend. We’re probably not going to want to serve them with the papers. We’re probably gonna want to deliver them with a letter from the attorney explaining that we’re going to try and keep this process amicable and that we’re not out for blood.

JH: I think that’s really wise. And it also is probably very counterintuitive for people. They may be thinking, “oh my gosh, if I’m going to divorce my high conflict spouse, I need to put all the stuff in the first petition,” which is what starts the divorce.

AE: Right. Well then just, you know, talking in terms of where we’re going to start. If we start here, we’re never going to come down. We’ve escalated the situation. We’ve kind of triggered this high conflict personality’s characteristics that aren’t maybe so helpful.

The Role of Collaborative Divorce

JH: Have you seen collaborative divorce be successful with high conflict personalities?

AE: Yes, I think it can be very successful. I think the difficulty is getting that person to want to engage in the process from the outset. But I think that it works really well. It always depends on what is this person’s particular trait that’s problematic. So if you have somebody who maybe has narcissistic tendencies, collaborative divorce is a nice place for them to be able to air all of their concerns.

JH: Well, let’s talk about that because I think that that is something that’s really counterintuitive for a lot of people. They think, “if I am married to somebody who’s high conflicts, I’m gonna need the power of the court to come in and help balance things out.” How do you find the balance of power dynamics can work in a collaborative divorce?

AE: Right? Sometimes I think that’s true that you have a person where the collaborative divorce process isn’t going to really impose the consequences that need to be imposed on that person to get them in check. But normally, I think the great thing about the collaborative divorce process is that people who have high conflict personalities are difficult to negotiate with. They tend to want to push their spouse into a specific position. And so having a kind of team approach really helps shift that power imbalance.

JH: Exactly. And the thing is, the legal system itself is sort of designed for them. It gives them an audience. It gives them a forum to harass and increase the conflict. And I think there’s so much wisdom in not going there right off the bat.

Watch the Full Interview

Thank you for tuning into our discussion on high conflict personalities in divorce.

Check out the full interview here.

Dallas Divorce Resources

Don’t Face This Alone – We’re Here to Help

Hargrave Family Law – Compassionate Dallas Divorce Lawyers

Hargrave Family Law was founded by Dallas divorce lawyer Jennifer Hargrave with a strong mission in mind. Using non-adversarial techniques, our firm advocates for you during this challenging life transition in a way that helps you protect what matters most. Reach out to our team of compassionate Dallas divorce lawyers at Hargrave Family Law for the support you need to navigate divorce and other family law matters. We offer a complimentary case evaluation to start your journey with us. Together, we will work towards safeguarding the happiness and well-being of your family, allowing you to write your next chapter with hope.

Smiling woman in glasses and black jacket indoors

Jennifer Hargrave

Owner & Managing Partner

Schedule Consultation

Jennifer Stanton Hargrave, J.D. is the founder of Hargrave Family Law, a Dallas-based boutique family law firm that is rooted in empathy, excellence, and empowerment. Jennifer is a seasoned, well-respected Dallas divorce attorney whose career is marked by her commitment to helping families navigate the often painful and complex journey of divorce with dignity and clarity. She has made it her mission to build a robust team of professionals who share this passion and who excel in helping clients build new futures filled with hope and promise.

Collaborative divorce
Business owner divorce
Divorce with complex financial questions
Divorce involving professional practices

Meet Collaborative Dallas Divorce Attorney, Jennifer Hargrave

Youtube video

Hear From Hargrave Family Law Clients

Testimonials

badge

David B.

{acf_testimonials_user_location}

I always felt heard and cared for by this team of professionals. 10 out of 10 would
recommend to anyone dealing with a family-law issue!

Ashleigh S.

{acf_testimonials_user_location}

Hargrave Family Law was a blessing during a personally difficult time, helping us
navigate complicated aspects of divorce when assets and minor children were
involved.

Jordan T.

{acf_testimonials_user_location}

Everyone there was very supportive and our family is in a better place now. Their team
even continues to check in after your case closes, which shows how much they truly
care.

Michelle A.

{acf_testimonials_user_location}

Hargrave Law’s team not only provided outstanding legal expertise for my family but
also showed genuine care and compassion throughout the entire process. They took
the time to listen and understand our family’s unique situation and always made sure we
felt supported and informed.

Justin Y.

{acf_testimonials_user_location}

What could have been a chaotic and emotional process was made manageable thanks
to their steady guidance. We are beyond grateful for the outcome in the case and highly
recommend this firm to anyone needing a skilled and compassionate Dallas divorce
attorney.

Jeremy Y.

{acf_testimonials_user_location}

The staff here was always responsive, clear in their communication, and truly made a
difficult process much easier for everyone involved. If you’re looking for a top-notch
Dallas divorce attorney, this is the firm you want on your side.

Sharon T.

{acf_testimonials_user_location}

Their understanding and professionalism throughout the process were truly remarkable,
and I am forever grateful for their role in helping me find my way to the other side.
If you're looking for a legal team that truly cares about their clients and will stand by your
side with compassion and expertise, I highly recommend Hargrave Family Law. I will
always be thankful for the support and strength they gave me.

Mike L.

{acf_testimonials_user_location}

The Hargrave team made me feel heard, were compassionate and thoughtful. Most
importantly, I was comfortable trusting their advice.

Kam B.

{acf_testimonials_user_location}

You cannot go wrong with Hargrave Family Law. They bring humanity along with
expertise in very difficult situations.

Christy H.

{acf_testimonials_user_location}

Going through a divorce can be an emotionally overwhelming experience, but the
paralegals and attorneys at this firm made the entire process so much less stressful.

Ava H.

{acf_testimonials_user_location}

From the first consultation, I felt heard, supported, and truly understood. The entire
team brings a rare combination of professionalism, compassion, and strategic expertise
to family law, which made a difficult process feel manageable and even empowering.

Liz R.

{acf_testimonials_user_location}

They were able to take my case with a very quick turn around. They were personable,
caring, thorough and have been amazing all around. If I ever needed anything else, I
would go to them first.

Soo C.

{acf_testimonials_user_location}

Divorce a very difficult and emotional decision for anyone to make, but finding the right
legal support was probably the most important decision I made other than taking that
step forward to end my marriage. Finding that legal support can be challenging – asking
around discretely for recommendations, meeting with them and then choosing someone
can be overwhelming. What I found with Jennifer Hargrave and the Hargrave Family
was a team with my best interests at heart. Thank you Jennifer for helping me become
the best, empowered me! My family and I thank you.

Allison B.

{acf_testimonials_user_location}

Divorce is very scary, as I’m sure most legal matters probably are, but when you are
going through the process and still having to deal with the other person involved, it can
be a daunting experience. Hargrave Family Law recognizes that going through divorce
is extremely stressful and they are ready to help guide you through it. If you are looking
for an attorney who not only has the qualifications, but also actually listens and cares
about you as an individual, then I highly recommend Hargrave Family Law.

Daine C.

{acf_testimonials_user_location}

They were very patient with me and fought hard to get me what I wanted. I look back
now and I’m so grateful.

Kim G.

{acf_testimonials_user_location}

They helped me prepare, ease my fears, and provided such clarity and confidence
through the challenges along the way. I am now on the other side and can say I would
have never had such a smooth experience and have the life I have today without this
incredible team!

Erin B.

{acf_testimonials_user_location}

My children and family dynamic were always the top priority. Every detail was
communicated to me and thoroughly explained. Jennifer and her staff were always
available to listen to my concerns and address them.

Amy B.

{acf_testimonials_user_location}

They approached my situation with innovative solutions, which ultimately led to a
resolution where all parties emerged victorious. This outcome was unprecedented, and
the sense of satisfaction it brought me was beyond measure.

Angela M.

{acf_testimonials_user_location}

“Jennifer was a beacon of hope for my family member at a time when her options appeared limited and the likelihood of a satisfactory resolution seemed impossible. Her calm and empathetic demeanor offered emotional succor not just to my relative, but to her wider family circle. And though it may seem trivial, she has such a great sense of humor. Sometimes you need that to get through a difficult situation. I will always feel grateful for the way she so professionally managed to obtain the end result we were all hoping for. I can truly recommend her without hesitation. And if you have a loved one needing counsel, realize there is hope. Contact Jennifer Hargrave. She will fight for you to the end.”

Blayn S.

{acf_testimonials_user_location}

“Jennifer is a dedicated, knowledgeable professional with a practical yet creative approach to family law negotiations. She makes progress in challenging situations while protecting and caring for her clients.”