When a marriage ends, it’s often not the house or the finances that spark the fiercest battles—it’s the children. In this vital episode of The Jennifer Hargrave Show, powerhouse family law attorney Misty Cole joins Jennifer to reveal the five most contentious issues involving children during divorce. Drawing from her deep courtroom and negotiation experience, Misty explains how to avoid common pitfalls and resolve disputes with your child’s well-being in mind.

They break down:

• Conservatorship in Texas: What it actually means and why “sole custody” is misleading.

• Primary Residence & Geographic Restrictions: Why these decisions can have long-term impacts on your child’s life.

• Educational Decisions: Including private vs. public school choices, special needs accommodations, and the limitations around college planning.

• Psychological & Psychiatric Care: How shared decision-making can go wrong and what to do about it.

• Invasive Medical Procedures: Why courts and parents clash over vaccinations, testing, and treatments—and how to find middle ground.

We tackle high conflict custody, common child custody challenges, untangle parenting plan disputes, share practical custody mediation tips, apply the best interest of the child Texas standard, clarify joint managing conservatorship, promote a child-centered divorce, propose a parallel parenting plan, weigh custody litigation vs mediation, and recommend effective co-parenting communication tools.

Jennifer and Misty also touch on collaborative divorce, parenting facilitators, and how parents can shift from litigation to cooperation to ensure their children thrive post-divorce.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone navigating custody and parenting issues during or after divorce.

Transcript:

Jennifer Hargrave (Host):
When a marriage ends, the most challenging issues are often not about money or who keeps the house. They’re about the children. Today, we’re exploring the five most common child-related issues in divorce that can tear families apart—unless we handle them with care.

Joining me is powerhouse attorney Misty Cole. Misty has seen it all—both in the courtroom and at the negotiation table. She’s here to walk us through strategies to navigate these issues and protect your family. This conversation could change the way you approach your divorce and your child’s future.

Misty Cole:
Thanks for having me, Jennifer. I’m excited to be here.

Jennifer:
Misty, how long have you been practicing family law?

Misty:
I started as a civil litigator and did that for 10 years. I represented large corporations and insurance companies. But I realized I wanted to help people more directly. With my litigation background, family law was a natural transition.

Jennifer:
Most people don’t realize that the same court system used for business disputes is also used for family law.

Misty:
Exactly. Same rules, same procedures. But the stakes are much more personal.

Jennifer:
Right. And if you’re not careful, it becomes adversarial. You’re suddenly on opposing sides—with lawyers, litigation language, and lots of stress.

Misty:
It doesn’t have to be that way. Family law allows for a more amicable process. We can work with families to help them transition with dignity.

Jennifer:
That’s a core value we share—keeping families from getting chewed up by the system. Let’s dive into the five major custody issues. These are often the most contested areas in a divorce.

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1. Conservatorship: Understanding the Framework

Jennifer:
People often call wanting “sole custody,” but in Texas, we use the term “conservatorship.” What does that mean?

Misty:
In Texas, we have managing conservators: joint managing and sole managing. Most parents are joint managing conservators, which means they share rights and duties like accessing school records, talking to doctors, and attending school lunches.

Jennifer:
And when the kids are in your care, you can make decisions about things like discipline and religious upbringing?

Misty:
Yes. You can decide on moral and religious training, emergency medical care, and discipline—unless a court limits those rights.

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2. Primary Residence and Geographic Restrictions

Jennifer:
Let’s talk about the “primary parent” designation. What does that mean?

Misty:
It refers to the parent who determines the child’s primary residence. It used to carry more weight, but now some parents choose to forgo a designated “primary” and just restrict the child’s residence to a geographic area.

Jennifer:
Right. That reflects modern co-parenting—children having homes with both parents.

Misty:
Exactly. Courts usually presume that children should stay in the same county or adjacent ones, but that can be a huge area. For example, Dallas County includes Tarrant and Rockwall—so parents can end up living hours apart.

Jennifer:
And once a geographic restriction is set, it’s tough to change unless there’s a significant change in circumstances.

Misty:
Yes. If a parent wants to move later—to Austin or California—they’ll have a hard time unless that possibility was addressed during the original agreement.

Jennifer:
Some orders include a “lift provision,” allowing the other parent to move if one parent moves out of the geographic area. That can drastically impact custody.

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3. Educational Decision-Making

Jennifer:
Education is another major issue—especially private versus public school.

Misty:
It covers everything from school choice to field trips, special needs accommodations, and class placement. Courts rarely order private school unless there’s a clear, agreed-upon reason—and funding.

Jennifer:
And college decisions aren’t addressed, right?

Misty:
Correct. Once the child is 18 and graduates, courts can’t enforce college-related decisions or costs. If parents agree, great—but enforcement can be tricky.

Jennifer:
What do you recommend regarding school decisions?

Misty:
If parents co-parent well, shared decision-making works. If there’s conflict, it’s better for one parent—usually the one who’s been handling school matters—to have exclusive rights. Schools don’t want to be caught in the middle of parental disputes.

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4. Psychological and Psychiatric Care

Jennifer:
Let’s talk about counseling, therapy, and mental health care.

Misty:
This is one of the most overlooked areas. Often, parents are granted independent rights—meaning either can make the decision. But that can create conflict if one parent wants therapy and the other doesn’t. Or worse, a parent fires the therapist and the child is left without care.

Jennifer:
Parents need to stay involved. Cutting off contact with a therapist can reflect poorly in court.

Misty:
Exactly. Judges tend to trust mental health professionals. If one recommends therapy, testing, or medication, courts usually follow that advice.

Jennifer:
If you can’t agree, you might end up with a judge—or worse, lose the ability to choose the therapist yourself.

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5. Invasive Medical Decision-Making

Jennifer:
What about medical decisions—beyond emergencies?

Misty:
We’re talking about elective or invasive procedures, like vaccines or surgeries. There’s no clear legal definition of “invasive,” so parents often battle over this. Rights can be exclusive, independent, or require joint agreement.

Jennifer:
And joint agreement means nothing happens unless both say yes.

Misty:
Exactly. One compromise is to give one parent final say after consulting the other, with time built in for objections. Another is to defer to the treating physician’s recommendation if parents can’t agree.

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Resolving Conflict Outside of Court

Jennifer:
So what are some ways to avoid these high-stakes legal battles?

Misty:
Parenting facilitators—trained professionals who help parents work through disagreements—are a great tool. They’re neutral and can report to the court if needed.

Jennifer:
You also do collaborative divorce. Talk about that process.

Misty:
Collaborative divorce uses a team, including a neutral mental health professional, who works with both parents. They provide structure and help keep the child’s best interest at the center of decision-making.

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Final Thoughts

Jennifer:
These issues can feel overwhelming—especially if you’re used to making all the decisions and now you’re being asked to share them. But with the right guidance, you can anticipate problems and resolve them early.

Misty:
Yes, and remember—both parents usually believe they’re doing what’s best for their child. If we approach issues with that in mind, we can avoid unnecessary conflict.

Jennifer:
Exactly. Divorce isn’t always what harms the children. Ongoing conflict does. Learning when to let go of the rope is one of the most powerful things you can do as a parent.

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Jennifer:
Misty, thank you so much for joining me and sharing your wisdom.

Misty:
Thanks for having me—it was a pleasure.

Jennifer:
If you’d like to learn more about Misty Cole, check out her bio at hargravefamilylaw.com. And if you or someone you know is facing divorce, please share this episode. We have lots of resources available to help you navigate this journey.

Dallas Family Law Attorneys with Decades of Guiding Clients with Compassion