In this powerful and compassionate episode of The Jennifer Hargrave Show, Jennifer welcomes esteemed Dallas family law attorney Robert Epstein to explore the deeply sensitive and often hidden issue of substance abuse and its impact on families during divorce.
Substance Abuse and Divorce often require swift Texas-specific safeguards. At a temporary orders hearing, courts may order drug testing in divorce, supervised visitation Texas, or a Temporary Restraining Order Texas while a child custody evaluator Texas gathers facts. If both spouses are willing, collaborative divorce and addiction support (including Al-Anon support for families) can protect children and accelerate recovery-focused resolutions.
Jennifer Hargrave:
Alcohol dependency, alcohol abuse, substance abuse, drugs—these are some of the contributing factors that may lead to the end of a marriage. My expert here today is Robert Epstein, and he’s going to talk with us about how substance abuse factors into the divorce process.
Robert is the owner of Epstein Family Law here in Dallas, Texas. He is well known and well recognized by his peers for bringing not only a creative, strategic approach to divorce, but he’s also very adept in the courtroom. So it is my privilege to welcome him here today to talk with us about substance abuse.
Robert Epstein:
Thank you so much, Jennifer. It’s a privilege to be here today.
Jennifer Hargrave:
I’m really excited to talk about this issue because I know it’s one that so many families struggle with. Often, they struggle silently for years before they get help. I’d love to start by asking: how do you see substance abuse issues impacting families in your practice?
Robert Epstein:
It’s a common theme in divorces. Oftentimes, a spouse will come in with a problem—either they’re experiencing some kind of alcohol use disorder, or their spouse is drinking too much, or drugs are involved. It depends on who I’m consulting with. If I’m speaking with the person accused, there’s often denial. Helping them accept the situation is crucial. It’s important to understand that family courts aren’t designed to be punitive. While divorces can get messy with character attacks, our goal is to foster positive parent-child relationships. Once clients understand that, they’re more open to options.
Jennifer Hargrave:
That denial you mention is interesting. I often have clients who’ve had substance abuse allegations made against them, and they don’t even think they have a problem. They’re showing up to work, functioning well, but still… it’s an issue. What do you recommend for someone facing those allegations?
Robert Epstein:
Even if they don’t admit to having a problem, I encourage abstinence. It shows the court they can abstain from whatever substance they’re accused of overusing. It can disprove the allegations—or at least mitigate them. It’s also an opportunity to get help. Even if they don’t see themselves as an addict, attending a 12-step meeting can be enlightening. It might lead to progress for both their life and their case.
Jennifer Hargrave:
Exactly. And people don’t realize how quickly testing can become part of the process. If you’re headed into a temporary orders hearing and the other side raises concerns, they can request testing on the spot—and the judge will usually order it.
Robert Epstein:
True. And with the types of blood testing available now, it’s easy to detect alcohol use for weeks after drinking—especially binge drinking. A lot of this is subjective. What one person considers “too much” may not seem like a problem to another. Abstinence really is the safest strategy, because you never know what might trigger a positive test.
Jennifer Hargrave:
So when you say abstinence, you mean no alcohol at all?
Robert Epstein:
That’s what I recommend—especially during times they’re with the kids. It’s hard to pinpoint test windows, so complete abstinence is best.
Jennifer Hargrave:
Especially in the early stages—when hearings are happening and everything’s unsettled. Testing positive can lead to all kinds of restrictions to figure out when and if you’re drinking around your kids.
Robert Epstein:
Exactly. Then you might be required to use a breathalyzer device. And even missing a scheduled test—without drinking—can still count against you. That creates a lot of obstacles.
Jennifer Hargrave:
If we’re having to explain why a test is wrong, we’re already in a bad spot.
Robert Epstein:
100% correct.
Jennifer Hargrave:
Let’s talk about the other side now—the spouse who’s concerned their soon-to-be ex has a problem. How do you advise them?
Robert Epstein:
First, I often recommend Al-Anon. It’s a great support group for people close to someone struggling with addiction. Having that network is invaluable. Legally, I make sure the children are safe—no riding in cars with someone under the influence, for example. Supervision is key—maybe a grandparent, family friend, or another trusted adult nearby.
Jennifer Hargrave:
Yes, safety is the top issue. If you claim your spouse is dangerous, but still leave the kids alone with them, that undercuts your credibility.
Robert Epstein:
Exactly. That parent risks looking like they’re not truly concerned if they’ve left the children unsupervised with someone they claim is unsafe.
Jennifer Hargrave:
If the issue is recent—say a DUI or another serious incident—what emergency steps can be taken?
Robert Epstein:
You can request a Temporary Restraining Order (TRO), which would prohibit unsupervised time with the children. If there’s a recent legal history—like a DWI or incidents of endangerment—courts are likely to grant that request. For example, drinking and driving with the kids or even just threatening to do so would justify immediate action.
Jennifer Hargrave:
That TRO is really a short-term Band-Aid—just until we get in front of the court.
Robert Epstein:
Right. It buys time until we can have a full hearing.
Jennifer Hargrave:
How do courts generally respond to allegations of substance abuse?
Robert Epstein:
Courts usually err on the side of caution. If there’s a positive test, the judge may order random testing or devices like Soberlink. If the parent can show 90 days to six months of clean results, those restrictions might be lifted.
Jennifer Hargrave:
But that period can be grueling. Devices can malfunction. Tests can be missed. It’s just best to avoid all that upfront.
Robert Epstein:
Agreed. Support networks help too. Even attending AA and signing in shows effort. It can be helpful even if you don’t admit to a problem.
Jennifer Hargrave:
Some people worry it’ll look bad if they’re going to AA or therapy. What do you say to that?
Robert Epstein:
In my experience, the opposite is true. Courts view therapy and recovery efforts positively. Judges support second chances. If anything, not getting help is what concerns them.
Jennifer Hargrave:
Absolutely. Recovery is often rewarded. But I also think about the “other” spouse—the one who’s lived in this chaos and now has to co-parent with someone in recovery. It’s still hard. And I’m glad you brought up Al-Anon—it’s a phenomenal program.
Robert Epstein:
Definitely. The non-addicted parent doesn’t have to “like” the other parent, but aiming for both parents to have a healthy relationship with the children should be the goal. That’s what kids need.
Jennifer Hargrave:
And for kids—what support is available if a parent has struggled with substance abuse?
Robert Epstein:
Play therapy is great for young children. Any mental health professional experienced with family conflict and addiction is a good resource. It can make a big difference.
Jennifer Hargrave:
Absolutely. This is such a common issue in divorce. Whether you’re the person struggling or the spouse affected by it—there’s no shame. You are not alone.
Robert Epstein:
Exactly. And those support networks are filled with people going through the same thing. That sense of community is so valuable.
Jennifer Hargrave:
Now, shifting to the courtroom—who are some of the key people involved when substance abuse is an issue?
Robert Epstein:
You might have a child custody evaluator testifying about parenting recommendations. Drug or alcohol counselors might testify. A lab representative could verify test results. And AA sponsors sometimes make powerful witnesses—vouching that someone is committed to recovery.
Jennifer Hargrave:
And that adds up—those experts can be costly. These cases can get expensive.
Robert Epstein:
They sure can.
Jennifer Hargrave:
Now let’s shift to a more healing approach—the collaborative divorce process. How does that work when substance abuse is involved?
Robert Epstein:
Unfortunately, I haven’t seen it used enough. But it should be. If both parties are honest—and one acknowledges the problem—collaborative divorce can be ideal. You work with a team: attorneys, a neutral mental health professional, and a financial expert. Everyone’s focused on healing and resolution.
Jennifer Hargrave:
I love that we can be honest in collaborative. In litigation, there’s pressure to defend and deny. But collaborative creates a safe space to face the problem and get help. We had a client pause her case to go to rehab—and the outcome was so much better than if we’d gone to court.
Robert Epstein:
That’s exactly how it should be. It can be transformational.
Jennifer Hargrave:
And while we do fight when we have to—we hold people accountable in court—collaborative allows us to approach families from a compassionate place.
Robert Epstein:
100% agree.
Jennifer Hargrave:
Now Robert, you’ve been open about your own experience with substance abuse. Would you be willing to share that story?
Robert Epstein:
Sure. About 10 years ago, I realized I had a problem with alcohol. It was creating more problems than benefits in my life. I called Mickey Bickers—an expert that many in family law rely on—and told him I thought I had a problem. He asked what I wanted to do, and I said, “I want to stop.” So he took me to my first AA meeting, and I’ve been going ever since.
Jennifer Hargrave:
That’s amazing. Congratulations.
Robert Epstein:
Thank you. It’s changed my life. It’s also helped me better understand what clients go through in recovery. I’ve seen the difference it’s made in my life—and I want that for others.
Jennifer Hargrave:
You’ve stood at that crossroads—knowing something had to change. Were you able to envision a different future at the time?
Robert Epstein:
Yes. I hadn’t yet gotten a DUI, lost my job, or my marriage—but I saw it coming. My drinking progressed. I tried cutting back—just not drinking on Mondays and Tuesdays—but I couldn’t do it. I realized I was in trouble. I wanted to stay married. I loved being a lawyer. My wife didn’t give me an ultimatum—I chose this. And life has been immeasurably better since.
Jennifer Hargrave:
Where were you then, and where are you now?
Robert Epstein:
Back then, I was resentful. I constantly compared myself to others. I wasn’t happy. But recovery taught me acceptance—realizing I’m not in control of everything, and that’s okay. Life isn’t about just avoiding pain and chasing pleasure. Now, I know what I want and how to go after it—with clarity and purpose.
Jennifer Hargrave:
Thank you for sharing. Vulnerability like that offers real hope. So, as we close, what message of hope do you have for someone struggling—either with a spouse’s addiction or their own?
Robert Epstein:
Take it one day at a time. That’s something I learned in AA, and it’s how I live. You don’t have to know all the answers today. You don’t have to fix everything today. Just don’t drink or drug today. Focus on your future, even if you’re not sure what it looks like yet. There’s a way forward.
Jennifer Hargrave:
I love that—“the practice of life.” Every day is a due date.
Robert Epstein:
Exactly. It’s progress, not perfection.
Jennifer Hargrave:
Amen. Robert, thank you so much. If you want to learn more about Robert Epstein and how he can help your family, we’ll include a link to his website. Be sure to subscribe and tune in for future episodes. Thank you for spending this time with us.
Amicable Dallas Divorce Attorney, Jennifer Hargrave
Dallas Divorce Resources
• How to Prepare for Divorce Court Hearings
• How to Prepare for a Custody Hearing
• What Are Temporary Orders? – What Happens While Divorce Is Pending
• Emergency Orders in Family Law: What You Need to Know
• High-Conflict Co-Parenting: Tools to Lower the Temperature
• Co-Parenting in High Conflict Cases with Carrie Beaird
• Collaborative Divorce Quick Facts
• The Role of Experts in a Collaborative Divorce
• Find a Dallas Divorce Lawyer
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Hargrave Family Law – Compassionate Dallas Divorce Lawyers
Hargrave Family Law was founded by Dallas divorce lawyer Jennifer Hargrave with a strong mission in mind. Using non-adversarial techniques, our firm advocates for you during this challenging life transition in a way that helps you protect what matters most. Reach out to our team of compassionate Dallas divorce lawyers at Hargrave Family Law for the support you need to navigate divorce and other family law matters. We offer a complimentary case evaluation to start your journey with us. Together, we will work towards safeguarding the happiness and well-being of your family, allowing you to write your next chapter with hope.
