How to Save Your Marriage: Crisis to Connection

How to Save Your Marriage: Crisis to Connection

by Jennifer Hargrave - Dallas Divorce Attorney | Jun 25, 2025

In this powerful and hopeful episode of The Jennifer Hargrave Show, Jennifer welcomes Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, founder of The Marriage Restoration Project, to discuss practical tools and deep insights for transforming troubled marriages. Drawing from personal experience and decades of professional work, Rabbi Slatkin introduces the foundational principles of Imago therapy—a relational model that treats the couple as the “client” rather than individuals—and outlines five transformative steps that can radically improve a marriage, even in the face of infidelity or looming divorce.

Together, they explore how couples can create emotional safety, interrupt destructive cycles of blame and reactivity, and begin the process of healing childhood wounds within the marriage. Rabbi Slatkin shares stories of couples who came back from the brink of divorce after just two days in his intensive program, emphasizing the potential for healing when even one partner begins to do the work.

Whether you’re pleading “save my marriage,” urgently repairing marriage in crisis with targeted communication exercises for couples, striving to rebuild trust in marriage through novel marriage counseling alternatives and practical empathic listening techniques, adopting daily marriage habits to reconnect after separation, spotting early signs marriage can be saved, or just hunting for solid avoid divorce tips, this guide on how to save your marriage delivers. Topics include emotional safety, triggers, conscious marriage, and how relationship work can benefit every area of life—including parenting and co-parenting.

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Jennifer Hargrave:
What if there were five steps that could radically transform your marriage—from a broken relationship to one of deep connection? Our culture often celebrates big weddings, but the truth is, most of us enter marriage woefully unprepared. We lack the skills and knowledge to build a successful, lasting relationship.

My guest today is Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, founder of The Marriage Restoration Project. He’s here to share practical strategies and powerful insights on how to build a thriving marriage—and how to restore one that’s struggling. Rabbi Slatkin, thank you so much for being here.

Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin:
It’s my pleasure. Thank you for having me, Jennifer.

Jennifer Hargrave:
Before we dive into your expertise, I’d love to hear a bit about your background. What led you into couples counseling?

Rabbi Slatkin:
About two years into my own marriage, after our first child was born, we hit some rough patches—ups and downs that I think many couples experience. We realized we needed help. A colleague and my wife’s hairdresser both recommended Imago therapy, so we gave it a try. After just an hour and a half with an Imago therapist, we felt hopeful and reconnected. It gave us a new understanding of our struggles and a clear path forward.

At the time, I was earning a Master’s in Counseling Psychology, intending to become a pulpit rabbi. But after our experience, our therapist encouraged me to pursue training in Imago therapy. I did—and I was so moved by it that I shifted careers to focus entirely on helping couples. I felt strongly that if it could help us, it could help others too.

Jennifer Hargrave:
That’s such an honest and personal story. I can relate. My journey into family law was also deeply influenced by my own marriage experiences. And I love that your wife’s hairdresser helped connect you to this path—hairdressers are often trusted confidants in times of trouble!

Let’s talk more about Imago therapy. What is it, and how is it different from other forms of couples therapy?

Rabbi Slatkin:
Imago therapy is unique because it was the first couples therapy modality to really treat the couple—not the individuals—as the client. Traditional therapy often tries to fix each person individually. But Imago focuses on the “space between”—the relationship dynamic. If that space is safe, the couple can thrive. If it’s toxic, they struggle.

Instead of diagnosing or blaming one spouse, Imago therapy helps both partners understand their shared dynamic. It gives them practical communication tools so they’re not dependent on the therapist forever. The goal is to create emotional safety and to teach couples how to nurture that sacred space between them.

Jennifer Hargrave:
I love that idea—the sacred space between. One complaint I hear about marriage counseling is that couples just rehash old wounds, blame each other, and don’t really make progress. How does Imago therapy help couples create that safe space?

Rabbi Slatkin:
We start by changing how couples interact. For example, instead of each spouse talking to me, I have them face each other—look each other in the eyes—and engage in a structured dialogue. One person speaks while the other listens and mirrors back what they hear. It slows down the conversation, reduces reactivity, and helps each person feel heard.

We all have emotional triggers, often rooted in childhood wounds. Unconsciously, we choose partners who push those buttons. But with awareness and the right tools, we can use those triggers for growth and healing, rather than conflict.

Jennifer Hargrave:
Yes! I remember learning from Dr. Harville Hendrix that we’re drawn to partners who can help us revisit—and hopefully heal—those childhood wounds. But why would anyone want to relive that pain?

Rabbi Slatkin:
Of course, it’s not conscious. During the romantic phase, our brains are flooded with feel-good chemicals that hide potential issues. Once that phase fades, we enter what Imago calls the “power struggle.” This is where we start questioning the relationship, feeling disillusioned, and wondering if we made a mistake.

Imago says that marriage is the unfinished business of childhood. The person we’re with gives us an opportunity to work through old wounds—but only if we become conscious of what’s really going on. When we realize, “I’m not just reacting to you, I’m reacting to something in me,” then healing becomes possible.

Jennifer Hargrave:
That’s such an empowering shift—from feeling powerless and blaming the other person, to taking ownership of your own reactivity. When we stop playing the blame game, we gain control over our own healing. That’s when real transformation begins.

Rabbi Slatkin:
Exactly. Once you’re aware, you can change your role in the dynamic. For example, if I usually shut down and my spouse gets louder to get my attention, that cycle continues until I respond differently. If I stay present instead of withdrawing, my spouse doesn’t need to escalate. We change the dance.

Even if the marriage doesn’t survive, doing this work makes you better prepared for future relationships—and helps you let go of resentment. That’s especially important when kids are involved. My wife, who’s a child of divorce, works with me in our project because she saw firsthand how post-divorce conflict can be even more damaging than the marriage itself.

Jennifer Hargrave:
Absolutely. Divorce doesn’t erase the pain—it often just changes the nature of it. And if the underlying issues haven’t been worked through, they show up again in the next relationship. So doing this work is valuable, regardless of the outcome.

But what happens when only one partner is willing to do the work?

Rabbi Slatkin:
While it’s best to work with both partners, sometimes we do work with individuals. We also offer a self-study program that one person can do on their own. Often, when one spouse starts changing, the other takes notice and becomes more open to participating.

If a partner is hesitant, I suggest presenting the work as a way to improve communication or gain clarity—especially if children are involved. Many times, even reluctant spouses open up once they feel safe and understood.

Jennifer Hargrave:
That’s great advice. And even if the relationship doesn’t survive, the personal growth from doing this work is priceless. You also mentioned that these skills help in other relationships too—like with our kids. As a mom of teenagers, I can attest to how well they know how to trigger us!

Rabbi Slatkin:
Absolutely. These tools are invaluable in parenting, friendships, even workplace dynamics. Anywhere there’s a relationship, these skills are useful.

Jennifer Hargrave:
Now, for someone listening and thinking, “This all sounds good, but it’s too late for us”—what would you say?

Rabbi Slatkin:
I don’t believe it’s ever too late. I’ve worked with couples who had already filed for divorce, and after one day of work, one spouse was ready to reconcile. We’ve had couples pause their divorce process and decide to give their relationship another try. If both people are willing to show up and do the work, incredible transformation is possible.

Jennifer Hargrave:
And from my perspective as a divorce attorney, those reconciliations—when they’re healthy and authentic—are deeply rewarding. Tell us more about the programs you offer.

Rabbi Slatkin:
Our signature program is a two-day private intensive where couples work directly with us, either in person or virtually. It’s designed to help them understand what went wrong, reconnect, learn the tools they need, and create a roadmap for the future. We also provide follow-up support, because going back to daily life can trigger old patterns.

We also offer a self-study online course for individuals or couples who want a more affordable, at-home option. It includes videos, audios, and the same five-step process we use in our intensives.

Jennifer Hargrave:
Can you walk us through those five steps?

Rabbi Slatkin:
Sure. The five steps are:

Commitment – If a couple is committed, they can overcome almost anything. Without commitment, even small issues can become huge.
Seal Your Exits – This means stop avoiding the relationship through distractions like work, social media, or over-parenting. Be present with each other.
Detox Your Marriage – Eliminate negativity like blame, criticism, and shame. That toxicity is what makes the relationship space feel unsafe.
Acknowledge the Other – Learn the Imago dialogue process to really listen, understand, and validate each other’s experience.
Love Infusions – Rebuild positivity through caring behaviors, date nights, daily appreciations, and more. Sometimes couples need to start here—rekindle the good first to make the deeper work possible.

Jennifer Hargrave:
I love how practical and accessible your approach is—and how quickly couples can see results. For anyone interested in learning more about Rabbi Slatkin and The Marriage Restoration Project, we’ll include a link to his website in the show notes.

And as always, thank you for joining us. Be sure to subscribe for more episodes of The Jennifer Hargrave Show.

Compassionate Dallas Divorce Attorney, Jennifer Hargrave

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