Summary: In this insightful conversation, Jennifer Hargrave, owner and managing partner of Hargrave Family Law, joins Gordon Deal to discuss new research showing a higher likelihood of divorce when the wife is the primary breadwinner. Jennifer sheds light on the emotional and relational dynamics behind this trend—from shifting roles and identity struggles to the impact of poor communication. She offers practical advice for couples, including the importance of proactive conversations and seeking support before challenges become crises. This episode is a must-listen for any couple navigating career changes and evolving family responsibilities.

 Gordon Deal:
Ready for the weekend? We’re here to get it started—welcome to the weekend with Gordon Deal. Thanks for being with us. New research from the Census Bureau’s American Community Survey shows that couples are more likely to divorce if the wife makes more money than the husband. For analysis, we turn to Jennifer Hargrave, a family law attorney based in Dallas. Jennifer, what do you make of this?

Jennifer Hargrave:
Yeah, I mean, it’s not surprising. We’ve known for a long time that women are far more likely than men to initiate divorce. When the traditional dynamic shifts and the woman becomes the primary breadwinner, it can create confusion around roles and expectations in the relationship. Combine that with poor communication—people just don’t always know how to talk about these issues—and it often leads to dissatisfaction.

Also, the reality is that some marriages don’t end in divorce simply because one partner feels financially dependent. But when the woman isn’t economically dependent on her husband, she may feel more empowered to leave a marriage that isn’t working.

Gordon Deal:
Wow. Have you seen this play out in your office?

Jennifer Hargrave:
Definitely. Yes.

Gordon Deal:
It seems like in this day and age, it’s not unusual for a woman to earn more than her husband—definitely more common than it used to be. Are we still not past this?

Jennifer Hargrave:
That’s right. In many of the divorces I handle—regardless of whether I represent the husband or the wife—I often see the same pattern. When her career takes off, he can feel displaced. He may find himself managing the household or the kids’ activities, and without clear communication, that shift can be difficult.

When couples can talk openly about these role changes, it can actually be great for the family. Men are absolutely capable of taking on those traditional caregiving roles, but without good communication, some men feel lost—like they’ve lost their purpose. They may feel useless or worthless, especially if they’ve put their own career on the back burner. That sense of loss can lead to depression and, in some cases, substance abuse. It’s something we see quite often.

Gordon Deal:
We’re speaking with Jennifer Hargrave, owner and managing partner of Hargrave Family Law in Dallas. We’re talking about a major reason for divorce—when the wife earns more than the husband. So, how do couples handle this?

Jennifer Hargrave:
First and foremost, support each other’s careers. If her career is gaining momentum, that can be a great thing for the family—but it’s also a signal to be proactive. I highly recommend working with a therapist, even when things seem fine. The problem is, too many couples wait until it’s too late. By the time they go to marriage therapy, the relationship has already broken down.

If you see big changes coming—like a career shift or change in household roles—talk to someone who can help you work through it constructively. Traditionally, women have taken on most of the household and parenting responsibilities, but when she also has a demanding job, it becomes incredibly difficult to do it all. She may feel like she’s failing as a mom because she can’t be at every PTA meeting or serve as the homeroom parent.

So, it’s important to have open and honest conversations about household responsibilities. For a long time, these duties weren’t valued in the same way careers were. But when both partners work full-time, you quickly realize how important those behind-the-scenes tasks are. Someone has to manage the nanny, the childcare, the kids’ education and activities. And with extracurriculars, it’s not just signing them up—it’s practices, uniforms, coach gifts, birthday parties, holidays, and more.

So my message to couples is: take care of your marriage the way you would take care of your career. Be proactive. Find a qualified therapist or counselor who can help you navigate these changes—especially the ones you don’t even see coming. That kind of support can make all the difference.

Gordon Deal:
Thanks, Jennifer.
That’s Jennifer Hargrave, owner and managing partner of Hargrave Family Law in Dallas.