A victim is somebody who feels powerless. They feel like this is all being done to them. If you didn’t ask for the divorce, it’s perfectly natural to feel this way at times. But the problem with the victim mindset is that you’re so focused on blaming other people, maybe blaming your spouse, that you feel like you don’t have any power or control in the process, and that’s not true. You do!
This is really common especially when you feel like something bad has been done to you. You feel that you’ve been wronged in some way, and you want to make the other person hurt as much as you are hurting.
It’s perfectly natural to feel that bitter feeling. Usually, we describe it as contempt or resentment, but the problem with a bitter divorce mindset is you’re so focused on trying to take it out on the other person that really you end up taking it out on yourself.
The last divorce mindset I want to talk about, and the one that I really encourage my clients to adopt is a collaborative mindset. This is when you are focused on the future and where we really look at what you’re going to need in this next chapter. And we leave the past behind.
When we have a collaborative mindset we’re not focused on blame and shame, but instead we’re focused on you and your dreams. We listen to the other side and we try and understand and come up with creative solutions that can help you both move forward.
If you are facing divorce, it’s perfectly natural to have feelings of blame and hurt. But don’t get lost in those feelings. Thinking about, imagining and planning for your future is really where your hope is and where the best outcomes are to be found. If you are interested in learning more about collaborative divorce and how it can benefit you and your future, download our guide to collaborative divorce.
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