Family Law Attorney Jennifer Hargrave sat down with This Morning show host Gordon Deal to talk about the holiday season, happiness, and divorce.
Gordon Deal:
Thanks for being with us. The holiday season can be a time of happiness, of coming together with friends and family. However, it also comes with a surprising, perhaps shocking, statistic. Studies from law firms have shown that divorce rates can rise by a third after the holidays, leading some people to grimly refer to January as Divorce Month. Why? Here’s Jennifer Hargrave, family law attorney in Dallas. Jennifer, explain this.
Jennifer Hargrave:
Well, I think that if the marriage is having trouble, the holidays sort of exacerbate all the issues. So if you are arguing over values, you’re arguing over about whose holidays you’re going to follow and whose family you’re going to be spending time with during the holiday, and I think it just exacerbates all those triggers, those tender points, that can erupt into arguments. And so it’s not unusual that people kind of grin and bear it and get through the holidays, maybe for the sake of the kids. But the resentment grows, the contempt grows, and people are saying to themselves, “I am never doing that again. Get me out of this marriage.” So sort of a breaking point, I think.
Gordon Deal:
Yeah. Okay. So holidays are essentially, from a counseling standpoint, the straw that’s broken the camel’s back?
Jennifer Hargrave:
Exactly.
Gordon Deal:
You’re not just getting divorced because suddenly you don’t like each other at the holidays or because of the gifts received.
Jennifer Hargrave:
Right, right, right. Yeah. I mean, maybe. Maybe a bad gift can be that straw that breaks the camel’s back or maybe no gift or maybe not participating in helping get gifts for the family. It’s just all those things, the resentments that build up over time, and when we get to the holidays, it exacerbates everything. So I think, yeah.
Gordon Deal:
How common is it, kind of anecdotally based in your office, January all of a sudden just becomes busy and February? That’s how it works?
Jennifer Hargrave:
We find that people start coming into the office in December, not necessarily to file, but to get information about divorce. And that’s a really great idea. We always encourage that. So you can be an informed consumer of legal services. But when January comes, usually we start seeing the filings will pick up for divorce in January, especially after Valentine’s Day. That’s usually when we see the biggest spike is that February timeframe.
Gordon Deal:
Wow. We’re speaking with Jennifer Hargrave, family law attorney based in Dallas, also the founder of Hargrave Family Law. We’re talking about why divorces spike after the holidays. I thought to a certain extent holidays might help save things or patch things up? The spirit of Christmas and all that stuff. Maybe in some cases? Apparently not that often though.
Jennifer Hargrave:
Not that often. I mean, maybe. I don’t know. Those people aren’t coming into my office.
Gordon Deal:
Fair enough.
Jennifer Hargrave:
I’m seeing the ones for whom the relationship has cracked. So I think a relationship doesn’t crack is that they’ve been enduring this marriage for a really long time. Maybe they’ve already been sleeping in separate rooms. I mean, they’ve been skating thin ice for a very long time. And I think when we get to that holiday, also with the new year, you’re turning over a new leaf. You want things to be different. You realize that the path you’re going on isn’t the path you want to live on for the rest of your life. And that’s just the clarity and the resolution to change things, I think, to look forward to a fresh start is something that maybe gives people some hope for a better future. And I think that’s a good thing.
Gordon Deal:
All right. To review, the basics; if you’re thinking about this after the holidays, what’s kind of maybe step one or two here?
Jennifer Hargrave:
For somebody who’s in a marriage that’s really struggling, what I want to say is; get information. Go meet with a divorce lawyer. Go begin to understand how the process works, understand the information you’re going to need as you enter into the divorce process. And really give some serious consideration about how you’re going to tell your spouse. Generally, I advise that people don’t have it as a surprise.
Gordon Deal:
Thanks, Jennifer. Jennifer Hargrave, family law attorney in Dallas.
