Preparing For The Empty Nest: Marriage, Identity and Personal Growth W/ Susan Schlehuber, LPC
Preparing to send your youngest child off to college can be both exciting and emotionally overwhelming. In this episode of The Jennifer Hargrave Show, Dallas family law attorney Jennifer Hargrave sits down with licensed professional counselor Susan Schlehuber to discuss the emotional, relational, and identity shifts that come with entering the empty nest years.
Susan shares practical guidance on rebuilding connection in marriage, setting healthy boundaries with adult children, rediscovering personal purpose, and avoiding the grief and identity loss that often accompany this life transition. Whether you’re navigating marriage changes, considering divorce, or simply preparing for life after parenting, this episode offers hope, clarity, and actionable advice for creating a fulfilling next chapter.
This conversation is especially valuable for parents, professionals, and couples in North Dallas who are navigating major life transitions that often intersect with divorce, collaborative divorce, or long-term relationship decisions.
Refined Podcast Transcript:
Jennifer Hargrave:
You’re preparing to send your youngest child off to college. And while this is an exciting time in their life, it can also bring a twinge of fear for you—because you know things are about to shift dramatically in your own life. As you approach the empty nest years, today’s conversation is for you.
My guest today is Susan Schlehuber. She’s a licensed professional counselor who works with men and families, and she’s also an empty nester herself. She has so much wisdom to share as we talk about how to prepare for a successful and fulfilling empty nest. Susan, thank you so much for being here.
Susan Schlehuber:
Thank you for having me. I’m really excited to be here.
Jennifer:
I’ll be honest—this is a little bit of my own therapy session. My youngest is a senior, and my oldest is 25, so I’ve been parenting for nearly a quarter of a century. This phase is coming to an end. You’ve been through it yourself. Tell us about your story.
Susan:
I’ve officially been an empty nester for about a year now. And it’s important to remember—this is a major transition. Transitions are hard, but they can also be beautiful. Just like it’s amazing for your child to go off to college, it can feel rough at first for us. That initial adjustment is tough.
But there are things we can do to make the transition smoother and to really focus on building an exciting next chapter.
Jennifer:
So let’s talk about that next chapter. What should people be focusing on?
Susan:
You need something you care about. That could be a career, volunteer work, a faith community, gardening, feeding the homeless, changing careers—anything that gives you purpose. For 18 to 25 years, our focus has been our children. Suddenly, that focus shifts.
This is the time to ask yourself: What excites me? Maybe it’s rediscovering something you loved or trying something brand new. I’ve thought about improv classes, dance—things I never had time for. Try five things. One might stick.
Jennifer:
For couples who are still married, this can be a big shift in the relationship too.
Susan:
It really is. And the beautiful part is rediscovering why you married each other in the first place. I tell my clients to think back—what did you enjoy doing together when you were dating? What made you fall in love?
After years of raising kids, it’s hard to remember. But go back and do one of those things. And if it’s rough at first, I suggest printing out a calendar for the month and scheduling things to look forward to—date nights, dinners, trips, time with friends. Put it on the fridge so you can see what’s coming.
Jennifer:
I love that idea.
Susan:
You have to get out and do things. My husband and I are planning to go to more live music—something he’s always loved. We’re also trying new things together.
But it’s also common for couples to grow apart during the years of raising children. One parent is focused on the kids, the other on providing. You can end up living very separate lives.
Jennifer:
So how do couples rebuild connection if they’ve grown apart?
Susan:
Connection is absolutely possible. Go back to what you used to do together—and also allow space for individual interests. I’ve discovered new hobbies myself. My husband jokes that I need fewer hobbies because I’m crocheting nonstop.
It’s healthy to have things you do together and things you do separately. Then you come back together and share about your day. That balance really matters.
Jennifer:
You’re Gottman-trained. What if resentment and contempt have already taken hold?
Susan:
There is still hope. You can rebuild. Touch matters. And if things feel really stuck, call a therapist. Find a safe space where you can talk about resentment and contempt. As long as there’s even a small desire from both people to keep trying, it’s not over.
Jennifer:
And even when marriages end, they don’t have to end destructively.
Susan:
Exactly. You don’t have to burn everything to the ground—especially when children are involved. This person will always be part of your life.
Jennifer:
What about adult children? Sometimes it can be unsettling for them to see parents rediscovering themselves.
Susan:
Live a little. Successful parenting is a series of graceful retreats backward. It’s about boundaries. You don’t need to let adult children dictate your choices. In the end, they respect healthy boundaries.
And parents—don’t track your kids at 4 a.m. It’s not good for your mental health.
Jennifer:
How do we transition into adult relationships with our children?
Susan:
It’s a process. You’re still parenting, but you step back. They need to make mistakes and learn from them. That’s hard—but necessary.
Jennifer:
What advice do you have for parents still in the thick of raising young kids?
Susan:
Stay connected to your spouse. Have date nights—even if it’s just sitting at home together. You chose each other first. Life is long, and those early connections matter.
Let kids grow and make mistakes. Don’t helicopter. They need wins and losses to become resourceful adults.
Jennifer:
What message of hope do you have for parents about to enter the empty nest years?
Susan:
It can be one of the most wonderful times of your life. You often have more time, more flexibility, and more resources. Make a one-year, five-year, and ten-year bucket list—with your spouse and for yourself.
If you’re proactive, you don’t get lost in grief. There’s so much to look forward to.
Jennifer:
Susan, thank you for sharing your joy and wisdom. If listeners want more guidance, they can reach out to Susan Schlehuber at Men’s Counseling. Thank you so much for joining us.
Learn more about Susan Schlehuber, LPC
Additional Resources:
• Divorcing with Real Estate in Dallas: From Family Homes to Complex Real Estate Portfolios
• Navigating a Dallas High Net Worth Divorce: Dividing Stocks, Business Assets, and Complex Wealth
• Divorce for Business Owners: How to Protect Your Livelihood and Your Future
• Who Buys the Backpack? Navigating Child Support While Co-Parenting
• Back to School Transitions: From Summer Relaxation to School Year Routines
• The Truth About 50/50 Custody Laws: Pros, Cons, and Hidden Risks
• Politics, Love, and Divorce: Can Couples Survive Different Beliefs?
• Who Am I Now? Reclaiming Your Voice and Identity After Divorce
• Find a Dallas Divorce Lawyer
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